


One Letter Off

by SuperFandoms



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Guilt, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperFandoms/pseuds/SuperFandoms
Summary: It's been so long, trapped in his own body, that Terra doesn't know what to make of having it for himself anymore.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	One Letter Off

Terra stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, dully noting the bags under his eyes and the slouch he holds. He sighs, and, frustrated, grabs his toothbrush. He brushes a bit too hard, leaving his gums raw. Hey, at least this pain was _his_ choice.

That doesn't make the body feel like his own, though. He rinses out his mouth. Toothpaste always tasted terrible, he guesses this is just proof that his tastebuds haven't changed in all that time.

Oh, he's thinking about _that_ again. Terra snorts disdainfully. Of course he is, he spent just shy of a decade possessed. He's pretty sure that would stick with anyone, especially their mental image of themselves. Again looking himself in the eyes, Terra tugs on the ends of his hair. Both reminders that he's not still Xehanort or Xemnas, or whoever the other one was.

The reminders of his selfhood feel foreign now, really. He rubs his eyes, keeping them closed and imagining how he looked when Xemnas was around. Looking back at his reflection, he tries to overlay the two. It works, almost. He can still see his hair, his eyes, but there's a strange film of grey and orange over them.

For reasons he isn't sure he wants to look into, Terra is relieved.

\---

As Terra is eating breakfast the next morning, Aqua enters the room. She looks at him expectantly. Terra holds up a finger and finishes his spoonful. "Yeah?"

"What's been going on lately? Are you alright?" Ouch, blunt.

Taking a deep breath, Terra mulls over how to answer. Ultimately, he decides upon, "I don't want to talk about it."

Aqua looks skeptical and upset. "Really? We've always trusted each other with these sorts of things!"

Terra frowns at his cereal. "Not much like 'these sorts of things'." Looking back at Aqua, whom has stiffly folded her arms, "You aren't exactly volunteering anything about your time in the Realm of Darkness." Quiet enough that even he can't quite hear it, he adds, "At least _you_ had a body."

"...oh. I'm- I'm sorry, Terra." Aqua inches out of the room, looking close to shouting or crying, maybe both, as she goes. "Have a good meal..." She turns and swiftly walks away.

Pressing his hands to his face, Terra sighs. He just feels hollow.

\---

Later into the week, Ventus joins him for a walk. The two move along Terra's current route in an amicable quiet, interspersed by an occasional heavy breath from the younger. Terra wonders over that for a while.

The Land of Departure is glittering as they reach the doors. "Wait." Ventus places a hand on Terra's arm. "Are you..." Ven looks frustrated, but an internal sort. "I don't know how to phrase this, so I'm gonna go around it."

Terra leans on the massive entrance. "Kay?"

Ven takes a deep breath. "When I woke up, I could move, yeah? But it was like wading through water. I could do it, but it was like my body was responding a second out of time." He looks Terra directly in the eye. "Is it like that for you too?"

Oh. "A bit," Terra hesitates. "More like I'm wearing something that doesn't fit. An overly large curiass, maybe?"

Expression wavering between a smile and tears, Ven dashes in and hugs Terra with a tackle. Terra lets himself sink into the hug, warm and _understood._ Even if neither of them should've gone through that, they knew what happened, and could commiserate. Commiserate..?

"Ventus!" Yen Sid's voice rang out at the same moment as the screaming of ancient hinges. "You must resume your training, you agreed to the regimen."

"Sorry, Terra."

"It's ok, Ven. Talk later?"

\---

It's a different bathroom this time, the one next to his room feels tainted. Also, the pipes are busted. By Terra. He's really just a mess these days. At any rate, he's making an effort to take care of his physical health. Today, shaving!

He hadn't shaved since coming back to himself, and it shows. His stubble is uneven and patchy, maybe he hasn't been eating enough? Terra snorts, that's probably not it. He has no idea how beards work.

Striking him with all the subtlety of a boot to the head, Terra realises that he doesn't have any shaving cream. This is probably fine, he'll just dry shave and hope for the best.

This is a terrible idea. He nicks his jaw in so many places, and the cuts just _won't stop bleeding._ He huffs, and resolves to learn how to shave properly. If Xemnas could do it, so could he! ...Wait.

Ugh, sometimes he hates how much that near-decade burned into his brain. Maybe he'll spite his past self by growing a moustache. Deliberately and carefully, Terra avoids his upper lip.

Two days later, he shaves it off.

\---

"Terra, what's wrong?" Aqua begins one afternoon. "You've been... _Off_ for weeks now."

He lifts an eyebrow. "I'm fine?"

Sighing angrily, Aqua pinches the bridge of her nose. "If you don't tell me, I'm going to have to get Yen Sid to make sure that it's nothing. I want you to be alright, so please, let me know what's happening!"

Quietly, Terra stills. He pushes his emotions to the side (as he remembers doing for those seven years as Xemnas) and letting himself hollow into a pragmatic shell of himself. Maybe it'll hurt him less when Aqua flinches back. 

"Master Yen Sid will be brought, regardless of how I respond." Terra curtly replies. "Thus," -for a brief moment he curses that word choice- "I see no need to tell you. Good day."

Having barely held back a snarl at his fury, Terra promptly walks forward, ignoring Aqua's pleas and eventual call on her Gummiphone. He's going to his room. Yen Sid will be here very soon, and Terra wants nothing to do with someone who despises Nobodies so much, and whom might despise him for carrying those memories around.

Maybe that's why he snapped at Aqua.

\---

He was right. Aqua ran to Yen Sid at some point during the afternoon, and now Terra is avoiding them all. It's a bit difficult, the halls of Cast- Departure are winding and identical for the most part. Aqua might remember them decently, time in the Realm of Darkness may have taken years from the decade, but Ventus certainly will. He didn't have to live any time at all.

Finally, in halls he recognizes, Terra sprints loudly towards his room. Ven hears him, shouting his position to Aqua, but not Yen Sid? Huh. Well, it's too late for that, anyways. Terra is already barricading the inside of his door with his dresser, then his bed. If they're willing to risk property damage, that won't do much, but complaints against destruction will give him a minute to breathe.

Terra doesn't want to speak to Yen Sid. His earlier thought of harboring mannerisms other than his own pops up. Briefly, Terra wants to shove it away. Really, though, it's true. Why did he keep any of those memories? His mind was in his armour, and his Heartless somewhere else. There shouldn't be any way for him to remember any of this!

This is... Terra feels bile in the back of his throat. Leaning against his bedframe, Terra tries to cough. Instead, a viscious black liquid, like ink, drips from his lips. Gently, Terra touches it, looking at the substance with a mingled fear and regret. The emotions overwhelm him, all but forcing him to curl into a ball, whimpering as regret pours out of him.

It's probably Darkness. It's stayed at his heels since he first used it. Terra is sick of the Dark, sick of the Light, sick of _everything._ If Yen Sid weren't right outside- wait, can Yen Sid tell if this is actually Darkness? Can he sense it through the door? He shudders. Maybe it would be best to just get this over with.

Terra opens the door after moving the barricade, and prepares to explain the ink. He opens his mouth, and nothing happens. None of it is there. Before he can turn around to check his room, Aqua has him by the pauldron and is dragging him bodily away. Ventus lags behind, looking concerned, but staying silent.

Firmly, Terra bats away the part of him branding Ven a traitor.

\---

"Have you noticed any changes in your mental state since or before concerns were first voiced?" Yen Sid's voice is grating and harsh, and Terra just wants to be left alone.

Instead of leaving, Terra snarks through the truth charm. "I haven't been possessed, that's a huge boon for actually having a personality."

"Terra!"

"Boon?" Ven mumbles.

Yen Sid draws himself up. "Young Terra, you _will_ answer properly!" The rarity of Yen Sid shouting is so startling that for a moment, Terra wants to leave more than he does get help. A few glimmers of purple-black drift around his feet before he can choke them out. Yen Sid notices anyways.

"What was that?" Terra stares sharply. "Answer me, boy!"

He quietly snarls, "A Dark Corridor."

"And why would you summon one?"

Even meeker, "Habit."

This reply may be even worse than saying that it was Xemnas' habit, as Yen Sid looks like an explosion barely caught with a dying Stop spell. "You've been using the Darkness?"

Aqua and Ven, in the corner of the room, look frightened. Terra can't lie, and he curses that fact. "I-" His response catches in his throat. Does Xemnas count as being Terra? He can remember everything from that time with frightening clarity. Maybe it is him? "No..? I'm not," Terra tugs sharply on a dangling strand of hair, to Ven's worry. "It's not _my_ habit."

"Then who's habit is it?"

Terra bites the inside of his lip. "Xemnas'."

Yen Sid inhales sharply. "I see. We will have to investigate this, yes?"

His blood freezes. "No! You're not poking around my head!" Through Aqua and Ven's shouts, Terra completes the creation of a Dark Corridor, and leaves the world.

He drops into the middle of the Castle That Never Was, in the room awkwardly titled 'Where Nothing Meets'. Terra -unless he can't be called Terra anymore- looks up at the seat marked with a bold 'I'. With an Aeroga-boosted jump, he lands on his chair, collapses to his knees, and cries.


End file.
